Good For English, Bad For Truth

English has won by not losing. Do you recall the Unilever lawsuit against Hampton Creek that was for producing a product that looks like mayonnaise, but is not mayonnaise, while calling it “mayo”. Unilever dropped that lawsuit. The truth has lost this round.

A little background: Hampton Creek makes a product named “Just Mayo”. It contains no eggs, which, according to the language police at Unilever, would disqualify the Hampton Creek product from bearing the name “mayo”. However, if you recall, Hellman’s also produces a product that contains “Low-Oil” which they boldly call mayonnaise. Actual mayonnaise contains one cup of oil and one egg yolk, and Hellman’s makes a product somewhat like it. Hellman’s may want to consider renaming its low-oil product “Mayo”, because while it might be the equivalent of “Just Mayo” it is not the equivalent of mayonnaise. Thus, I say that the truth will not be served this round. I had hoped that Hellman’s would lose the right to call everything except their real mayonnaise product by the name “mayonnaise”. All of the other imitation mayonnaise products that they make should be required to be called “mayo”, or imitation, or artificial. It would prevent confusion in the future.

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While we are on the subject, I would like to point out a couple of VERY important points that come to mind. First, there is absolutely no reason to avoid eating eggs, making the “Just Mayo” product an expensive not-healthier alternative to mayonnaise. It has been scientifically proven that eating eggs does not cause blood cholesterol levels to change. The quaint idea that eating cholesterol equals blood cholesterol is false, while appealing in it’s simplicity.

Second, eating fats are also not bad for you, provided that they are saturated, and provided that, if they are oils, have never been overheated. Overheated oils turn magically into trans fats, which do lead to heart disease. This has been proven scientifically as well. So don’t cook with mayonnaise, even though I think nobody does.

Third, the best mayonnaise for you is the mayonnaise that you create in your own kitchen, just you, one egg, one cup of olive oil a bowl and a whisk. It takes five minutes and while the results of your labor won’t last for a year in the door shelf of your refrigerator, that is a feature, not a problem. Your product will still be alive, containing all of the natural things occurring in egg, oil, and your kitchen. The bottled stuff comes dead. It is so dead that nothing living can take hold in it. That is why it lasts so long in your refrigerator. You shouldn’t eat anything that won’t spoil after a month.

Life feeds on life.

Hellman’s ingredients for low-oil mayonnaise:

WATER, MODIFIED CORN STARCH*, SOYBEAN OIL, VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP*, EGG WHITES, SALT, SUGAR, XANTHAM GUM*, LEMON AND LIME PEEL FIBERS*, COLORS ADDED*, LACTIC ACID*, (SODIUM BENZOATE*, CALCIUM DISODIUM EDTA) USED TO PROTECT QUALITY, PHOSPHORIC ACID*, NATURAL FLAVORS. GLUTEN-FREE.

Here is how to make your own mayonnaise, by Jamie Oliver.


Make the Mayo very slowly. If the sauce ‘breaks’ after it was starting to look pretty good, don’t despair. If you start over at the egg and the oil, you can slowly add your broken sauce to an unbroken batch and it will be mayonnaise in the end, just more than you initially wanted. After the mayo starts forming, add oil slowly, and if you add it fast enough to make it puddle you will break your sauce.

About dcarmack

I am an instrument technician at the electric utility servicing the Kansas City Missouri metropolitan area. I am in the IBEW, Local 412. I was trained to be a nuclear power plant operator in the USN and served on submarines. I am a Democrat, even more so than those serving in Congress or the White House.
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One Response to Good For English, Bad For Truth

  1. kscarmack says:

    Yep… turn it in to ranch dressing if you want..

    Like

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